flarrot

Broken bones on wooden floors,
Empty hearts left in wine glasses,
you pray you never knew,
you pray you never saw.

My heart is in your hands,
Be careful,
I'm fragile.

I hope this lasts

Why doesn't he think that everything will be okay as long as he has me?
Why doesn't he think that we can fight through everything as long as we're together?


All he talks about is exams.
I feel guilty for not doing well today.
I feel guilty for being lazy.
I feel guilty that our communication and relationship has suffered.
I feel guilty for being here.

Do you know how much I love you?
note : Around the world twice, to the moon and back doesn't come anywhere close. 
These last six months have been the happiest ever. 
Thankyou. 
<3

Last night and today is when I have appriciated you the most. 
You were my hero last night, Steff. 
&& This morning too, telling me that the shouting and fighting and threats were not because of me.

I am so lucky. Believe that.

You are utterly fantastic and you will never, ever, ever know how much love you. 


Forever & ever 

xxx
xx
x

Welsh aural && Music Prac && 6th form ball all on Friday.


Am I ready for anyone of them?
No! 


I can't have my nails done because of my prac (you can't play violin with long-manicured nails).
And ARGH!


LOLZ. Am in a limo with 'the boys', so that'll be a luagh.
 XD 
They always cheer me up. 

Me&&Nic&&Nat are getting ready together then the 'Men' (Lars&&Tom&&Rich) are coming over theeeeeeeeeeeen We're all going off in the limo to Donna's pub in Llanelli where we're picking up her && Al. Then off to the ball.

I dont know what I'm doing with my hair yet. 

I'll put pics up when I have them. 


(My dress is LUSH, really really, Lush! it's Ivory and gorgeous and wohhhhh AMAZING) - It's from the bridal range @ Monsoon. 

&&&&&& OMG! I'M AN F CUP NOW! F! FOR FUCKSAKE! 
I DONT WANNA BE AN F CUP! 
ARGH. 


I love my boobs really.


Rhi xxx

Tom is a life saver XD
He just spent the whole of Welsh cheering me up. Singing that shitty song 'What the world needs now, is love, love, love. It's the only thing that we have too little of.' exept he changed the 'love' to 'wuvv' and did it in a cute little tweety-pie voice, really, really meant alot to me and made me smile. Then he proceeded to rape me (not really lol) in the study room.   


Steff and I had a shitty little argument last night.

'Argument' being me shouting at him and him just saying 'yeah, I totaly agree'.

Argh.

Fucking men.

 

I love him but I've left my phone at home so I cant text him and let him know I'm sorry for being a overreactive-loser-argumentative-girlfriend. He text me this morning while I was still asleep so now he probably thinks I proper hate him, eventhough I don't. Why Am I a twat?  I'll call him when I get back to Elsie's. I think he's free till 2.45 0r 3.15 on a Tuesday. If he doesn't answer I'll text.

 

I just needed him last night, I needed to talk to him about my Welsh work, I needed to talk to him about the band, about my nightmare, about how much I missed him and about how much I wanted him.

I'm crying?
WHY AM I CRYING?




FUCK OFF

Ogmore was actually okay. 

I think I'm obssesed with this girl who plays in First Violins, she's in the first desk and sits next to the leader so I can see her when I'm looking at the conducter. While I'm supposed to be playing I spend most of my time looking at her, bad, I know but heh. I don't think it's a fancying thing, I'm just in awe of her. I bumped into her by mistake when I was setting out stands and I blushed, I blushed for fuck sake. I only  ever blush when Steff say's something cute or when I've been drinking! 

There was a lack of good loooking boys...but I was talking to James, (hot James, in Maes, the one Natasha and I used to argue about - who was hotter, James or Sam?) and I realised how much like Steff he is, not in a looks way but just manners, treating women like ladies and how sweet him and Steff are. That just made me miss Steff even more. I'm not going to see him 'till Friday and that's not even definate. I'll give it untill tuesday when I'm in tears 'cause I miss him so much.  

Rupert Brown sits behind me & when he's talking to Rhian Owens I think he's talking to me so I turn around (horns sit behind the 1st violins) and he gives me a funny look, he must think I'm a spazz. I can't wait to hear his solo on Tuesday, he makes a brass instrument sound lyrical. I normally hate Brass but when Rupert plays French Horn (or when Alex plays Trombone) I get butterflies in my stomach and goosebumps all up my arms.

Siclienne (or however you spell it.) is gorgeous! I need to buy a proper mute though, I was using my practice mute in rehersals so it didn't sound that bad but still, I want a proper one. I can't stop singing Pirates of the Caribbean, I play that one well good but I've decided that I don't like plying in firsts because they play in fifth position on the G string and most of the time I cant balance with my left hand, when it's on the E string I can do it fine but I have a problem with it on G (& D for that matter) I'm a noob. 





*changes subject*
I don't think I can handle this. 
Fuck off and leve me be. 
I've felt this strange emotion for the last couple of days. 
I suppose I've just felt empty.
Or ignored.
Or unwanted.
Or unloved.

I don't know.

 

The gym - with Jess. 


Motivation or what?! 

Happy new year, innit. 

I had a lush night XD.
Stayed at Steff's. 


I loves him, I do. 

Today, so far my diet is going okay. 

Pea soup is healthy right? 
And I don't have any sugar in my tea anyway so that's all cool.

ach....

Exercise in a bit, like.

Going to Swansea tomorrow. It's Natalie's Birthday so Steff, Calum, Nat and I are going iceskating and cinema tomorrow. Al and Donna might come too but Al aint txt back yet....

Love and stuff. 

RhiRhi x

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

You are not going on a diet, you are fucking fine as you are.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

If I had a problem, I'd tell you. So shush, kay? 

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

I have a problem bout it though.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

I said shush!

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

okay.

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

You'll fancy me more once I start loosing weight.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

NO I WON'T!!

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

I love your body.

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

How can you?

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

You won't look like Rhi if you loose weight.

I love your body cos it fits your personality: big, bright and bendihossan!


Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

Your amazing cariad, please don't ever change.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

Oh and that stuff you wrote about me picking you up in the shower. Shu'up mun, I can pick you up easy remember!

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

I Love You.

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

pfft.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

I'll blow rasberries on your belly?

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

dont.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

you ok?

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

Im fine

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

Good!

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

I love you as you are, but that doesn't mean I'll stop loving you if you do go on that diet. Okies?

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

Bydda i caru ti achos ti yn hyfryd a yr un merch i mi.

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

Me & You go together like Bread & Butter.

RhiRhi!_____I don't seem obvious, do I? Say anything you want, because baby, I'm not scared anymore. says:

I love you.  

Steffy // Microsoft Can Go To Hell. [ Rhian, rwy'n caru ti <3 ] says:

I love you too. 











That's what I needed. 
I don't know what I'd do without him <3

My boobs hurt. 
They can't be growing.
maybe it's cause my periods due?
anywhooo 

I love my boobs XD

*changes subject* 

Steff might be staying over on Wednesday. 
But I think I'll be on my period.  
anyway, we'll cwtch lots.


I love him with all my heart.

Merry christmas and a Happy New  Year to all.


Rhian 
xxxx

Leave me alone. 
I don't want to talk to you.
I can't handle you right now. 
Doesn't it make you upset that I want to throw a fucking chair at you for beeing so...so, uch! 

Ah forget it. 

I haven't spoken to you properly for ages and then the first chance in like, forever I get to speak to you, you have other plans!
Twatface. 
Can't you see I'm making an effort?
Why the hell aren't you?
You're supposed to care about me!

I hate you.

I want a cwtch.

Blonde hair on brown skin

            His version of beauty

Ugly scars behind silver charms

            Your way to cope

So cliqued and so unoriginal, because it’s so easy

You waver down the halls

Feeling for your bones

Learning to smile

He’s at the other end

Smiling with the scissors

Pills in the bedroom and thrills in his eyes and spills on the bathroom floor

When an ugly exposed vein interrupted the fight

(so inconvenient)

You learn to stop the screams

At night, when side effects may include…

            Waking him from his dreams

And you’ll suffer through another crying fit

Interrupted by his fist of love

 

This year had promised to be more beautiful than the last

Newfound love promised a new golden head,

            A few pounds lost to a new fast

Influenced by love is the year’s new theme

Focusing on hunger, blankness is the new tone

Apathy is the new hope

Acceptance is the new fear

His voice is your new conscience

It’s beginning to be a lonely new year

 

Love is a new taste in your mouth,

            And it’s easier to swallow than pills or food

His eyes ask a question

            Your hands answer





This poem is amazing anf I stole it  from rumpunch

I'm crying, for no reason. What the fuck's wrong with me? 
I want to be alone, I want everyone in the world to fuck off and leave me be. 
I want to cuddle up in bed, read soppy poetry about lost love and cry myself to sleep. 

I can't handle this. 
I need to run away, to be on my own, to breathe. 

I've never been like this before. 
I have no reason to be like this. 
I want to go and sit on the fire escape. 

I need to be able to feel, why am I so numb? 

I'm pissed off at so many people. 
Ah fuck off. I can't be bothered.

I am not a hussy, I am not going to play some stupid selfish joke on you'r son. I'm not going to get pregnant. My Dad's taken me to see about going on the pill for fucks sake! My mum told me that she know's I'm not stupid, she know's I want to go to university before I even think about settling down, She know's that I can come to her if anything ever happens and she know's that Steffan treats me properly.

My mother's a saint. She respects the fact that Steff and I are both old enough to make our own decisions and she doesn't get in the way. She supports us everyway she can. My mum and dad both know that I'm not stupid enough to have unprotected sex. They know that I'm not ready for anything more than what Steff and I have. They respect me. 

If you're not happy about us having sex in your house then just say. I have no problem with that, it's understandable. If you don't like me and don't think I'm right for your son, then say. I know what I'm like and I know that many people don't like me but I'm so happy with your son and I care about him more than anything else on earth. I don't want to loose him. 

Don't you talk to him?
Don't you know that we were both ready for sex and that neither of us rushed into anything?
Don't you know how much he means to me? 

I'm just glad that I have all the support that I have from my mum and dad. 
They know me and they're fine about Steff and I haveing sex aslong as we're safe, which we are. 


What's the point in me writing this? 
You're never going to read it anyway.  

dksaysthx  POSTED THIS. He is such an amazing poet.  Four letters make one word. Love, four letters too soon, One word too late. One feeling misused. One statement I made. Truth came from my mouth, and entered the air. If you caught it great, If it passed you by that's fair. I will wait my turn in line, I understand you're in the scene. Just promise you won't forget, The guy who knows what love really means.

dksaysthx :'s poems.  Thought it was lovely. <3  A gift from a box. Wrapped in Red. A gift from a box. From heart, not head. Out of the box, A simple pleasure. Out of the box, Something love cannot measure. A simple pleasure wrapped in red, that came from the heart and not the head. Nice, is it not?  Rhi x

Steffan is fantastic. 
I feel really guilty now though, he wants to do the whole cadets thing. I don't have anything against it but they're making him cut his hair. I love his hair. He wouldn't be him without is hair.
Damn it - I'm so selfish. If he really, really wants to join then he should. If he has to cut his hair then he should. I'll get over it. 
My dad still calls him Stephanie. 
Makes me laugh. 

My dad likes Steff though, which I was really suprised about because he never likes who I bring home.
My dad's taking me to family planning tomorrow to see about me going on the pill XD.
Safe sex and all, innit.

Friday night he came over....
Sex in a relationship is way better than sex out of a relationship. 

I really am falling for him, I don't want to but I can't help it. 
I have no idea what to get him for christmas though. 

My Grade 5 violin was on Friday. 
Let's not talk about that.

I went over his saturday. We cwtched lots & lots. 

I hope this lasts. 

Rhi xxx

"I've got an icecream headache darling, won't you lie down here with me?"
Icecream headache - Once a theif.

Favourite lyrics 
"If we try hard enough I'm sure we can forget it
'cause this black hearted wedding's enough to start a panic.
We've been clean for three days when you were running down the block,
eleven minutes sober now our counting's on the clock.
and Donny says 'you're the reason we are here'
And we all know that what Donny says is true.
So go to bed, 
This life is not a shameless waste
but we all know that's what it is to you.
Goodnight.

We will overcome, 
everynight to the sound of the kick drum. 
We've got it figured out,
Everynight to the break down.
We can stand in the street,
Everynight to the sound of the blast beat. 
I feel in my own hands,
I'm still waiting for god's new plans.
Please, Donny wont you leave the way.
My world has flipped and I have gone astray.
Now it falls appart, 
Everynight to the side of the dumpster.

I take it slow because I have time, 
Back to the days where you were mine.  "




&& More bits from that song. 

Compliment eachother like colours - Play Radio Play!

Morning. Afternoon. Whatever you wanna call it.

Orchestra tonight. Not looking forwards. Orchestras should be bloody banned, like. 
Nevertheless, I'm in a fantastic mood.

Steff bought me a teddy XD
An Eore! It's all soft and lush! Loves it. 
We had sex with eachother for the first time Friday night.....
Definately will be doing it again. 
Was paranoid that his olds would walk in though. 
Fantastic though, totally not what I expected. I 'pose I thought he'd be selfish or lazy in bed, infact he was quite the opposite XD

Had fun with icecream too, Ben & Jerrys ofcourse. Classy bird, me. 

I bled though, I mean I didn't even bleed when I lost my virginity many moons ago. 
It really hurt and the first condom wouldn't fit and split up the side. 
He's rather wide, see.
I suppose I'll just have to get used to it. 

I guess the only reason it didn't hurt his ex is cause she must have been as wide as anything. Bit of a slag, see. 

I'm really happy with him, I can't believe I even considered going back to women. 
I'm as happy as Larry, me! 

He's such a love and I adore his kissy cwtches. My favourite thing in the world. 

Saturday I bought condoms. 18 of them and I plan on using each and everyone. 
The woman behind the counter looked at me funny (I bought tampons aswell).

I have English work to do. Something about Constipated children that I should really finish. 

Taste of Chaos tomorrow!
Taking back Sunday & Antiflag, get in!

Byes all xxx

 


 

'Honey can you pass me a plaster? I scraped my knee when I fell in love with you'


It's utter cheese, I admit.
But it's sweet and cute and lovely at the same time. 
Makes me go tingly.


My Mamgu - 'Is that a lovebite, Rhian?'
Me - 'No!'
Mamgu - 'I don't believe you!'
Me- 'Well, if it was a lovebite I'd be hiding it wouldn't I?'


Good answer I think. 

Will update more when I have a free lesson. 

Love x

Good morning. 
Just had a harp lesson, quite enjoyable XD
Got the parts I'm playing for christmas. The first Noel and Joy to the world.
Kirsty (the other girl who plays harp, I 'pose she's allright) Is playing the tune for both and I have pretty 'harpy'  arpeggiated, showy offy bits with a coda-y bit inbetween the pieces. There's hand crossing too, which I'm good at! 

Sometimes I love my welsh-ness! 

I have music in ten minutes.....
You know those dreams you have when you turn up to school/college/work/wherever in Pjamas? 
It's like that today.
But it's not only me, the whole of 6th form and the teachers/LEA's etc are also in PJ's.
I'm not a pillock on my own see. 
<3 

I have my uncles PJ's on. They're too big for me.
I also have my mothers dressing gown on. That's too small for me. 
&& My lovely winter boots with fur inside because I couldn't find my Slippers this morinin'.
I also have jeans && my MC Lars T-shirt on.
'Cause I'm cool like 'at. 

I was reading 'Anansi boys' last night. 
It made me laugh because there was a random 'everyfink' in it. 
I shrieked with joy.

Byes xxx

I have a headache. 
I'm in agony. 

I've just printed off my music work. 
I now have to go down to the music room so Mrs N can take me to performing arts. 


Someone pass me an asprin.

Just came back from the schools 'X Factor' 
Still creased. 
'Backseat boys' aka, Tom, Calum, Jamie, Jacob and Daljit rocked my socks. 
aaaand 'Fabba'  aka Mrs Owens, Mr Richards, Mr Mills and a suply teacher ('cause Mrs Burton wasn't in ysgol) Made me laugh. 
Ooooooh and 'Queen' aka The  Maths department. Mr Payne in girls clothes....


Natalie is fantastic. 
Greaat dancer appart from her kissing and practically humping those guys.
(She was sooooo hammered and She kissed the hot CK's Guy. Fucker)
She's a saint really. <3

Im in the study room. 
I have blue and green hair.
I am not amused. 
Silly hair day today, see

Steff make's fun of me because I listen to Justin Timberlake. 
If I was mean I'd make fun of him listening to the beatles but Im not that mean and after all I like the Beatles. 

Friday, I didn't go to school because I only had Key skills and Mr White's ran off to have a baby (He's got a son sooooo cute. Eddy =])
So anyway, I went to Carmarthen siopa. 
Saw a luuuuush corsety thing but I didn't have enough money to buy it. Soooo, I took pics of it (with me wearing it) on my phone in order to show lover boy but he gave me money to go and buy it!!!!!!!!
I'm not used to being spoilt, when we go out he refuses to let me pay for anything. He's a star. 
I told my mother and she told me that it's good that I've found somebody who treats me right (unlike Sian and Sean) and that I shouldn't complain. Aaaaaand she told me to make sure 'he doesn't want anything in return' . Dodgy or beth?
<333333333


I've just singed up for apple bobbing, but it's squash balls and instead of water they're using Veg soup. Im scared now...
I'm trying to talk Natalie into doing it, Rich, Lars &Mr Davies are doing it so I won't be the only one looking like a fool. 

I'm hosting Strictly come dancing with My lovely Tomos on Wednesday. 
Lols at how he always gets me to do his tie like a gazziloion times a day.l 

Heyarr all.

I'll update again. 


Byes x

I've spent most of today in tears. 
I fucking hate him, I'm going to bloody hurt him soooo badly. 

She cheated, She cheated, She cheated, She cheated!!!!! 

I've worked too hard on this relationship to let some sly fucker with a girls name ruin it. 

Sorry my update is a bit crap.
Will update properly agiain. 

I want my mammy. 

Talk to me.

Morning all. 
I'm currently in IT 3 in school.
Today in our key skills lesson we watched a play thingy called 'too much punch for Judy'. It started of all fun and happy, I was propper creased. The four people doing the show were very, very good actors. Anyway, it started off with them getting ready to go out. Very entertaining with lots of jumping around and screaming that Made me laugh. Anyway, as the show got going it got more serious and in the end Judy ended up driving home and ended up killing her sister, Joanne because they were both drunk and as Judy had drank the less (& that Joanne had a previous conviction of drink driving) they came to the conclusion that she would be the safest driver. I nearly bloody cried, they were that convincing. Anyways, Alys was convinced that one of the guys were gay, she said she had 'good gaydar'. He so wasn't gay, I know gay when I see it, if he actually is gay I'll eat my own hat. Most of the 6th formers there, were close to tears because of the actual serevety (is 'serevety' even a word?) of the message and the way it was potrayed.


&& Because Miss bloody Cooke complained about my shoes, I got new ones. Geeky Dr Martains that have a buckle and are propper shoes. I loves 'em I do! Plus I am wearing my 'perfect' badge, because as we all know, I am bloody perfect. heh. 

I'm still not used to having shorter dark hair, tis strange. It's tied back today (with the aid of a million clips and about a tonne of hairspray) and I'm wearing my leapord print hair band, 'cause I'm cool like that mun. 

I have my first English lesson in about 7 minutes, so I will update when I'm home. 

So ya, bye for now && I'll update again. 

Rhi x

I've got quite a few things to write about but Ihaven't got much time toay so I'll just write a list for me to remember what to write about. 

1. Treasure hunt
2. Strange year 12/13 bonding things
3. Swansea university
4. Bowling
5. Music Tech

It  doesn't look that interesting there but trust me, once you hear about how Mr White insisted he was god, my uni man  (the student who showed us arouned) taught us drinking games and how I was tied to Lars all afternoon, you'll understand why I need to tell you. 
hee hee. 

Love xxx